what up, 2009!

ok whatever, i took like 4 months off from blogging. let's just accept that fact and move on. however, it is a new year, with new exciting opportunities on the horizon!!! in honor of this, the sixth day of 2009, i shall offer not only a retrospective look at 2008, but also give y'all a little insight into what 2009 has to offer! i'm so excited i might pee my tights (i try not to wear pants)!! anyway, here's what was what in 2008, and what will be in 2009!!


  • change: sure, i'm kinda ripping off everyone's favorite celebutician, barack obama, but there was a shitload of changing going on in 2008! firstly and most importantly, lets talk about b-spears. OMG! what a change!! in the beginning of 2008, homegirl was a M-E-S-S!!! somehow, by the end of the year, my favorite poptart had made a full-force comeback!! she looks fab, has some rocking new tunes out (if you seek amy, anyone? (if you still don't get this song, email me and i might divulge the secret!)), and is going to be touring soon!!! yay!!! however, brit brit wasn't the only one making changes in her life... i must also discuss the changes going on in the world around us! yay for economic collapse! when i was a wee little history student, i often reflected back to the 1930s with a fond nostalgia for times of economic hardship. i frequently found myself sighing wistfully, longing for an entirely potato diet and making my own burlap clothing (i can't even write that with a straight face. ew.). well, my chances are finally here!! viva la d├ępression!

  • celibacy: i've always had a special relationship with god (the jew god, not jesus), and in 2008, i decided to celebrate my love for yahweh (that's the jew god name. i think god smites you or something if you say this out loud, so read to yourselves, please.) by becoming a born again virgin. ok, well that's maybe not the entire truth, but either way, 2008 was all about purifying my soul (don't laugh) through the cleansing of my body. i am pure as the driven snow, and am considering joining a convent in mid-2009. i'll pray for your souls, you filthy sinners!!

  • cat-ness: 2008 was a big year for the little lady in my life, lulu! she turned one, had several unsuccessful playdates (for some reason, other kitties don't like my precious little princess. they hiss and swipe at her as she tries to cuddle and purr at them - obv, they're just jealous), had a bladder infection, and decided that as the primadonna kitty she is, she needs fancy kitty litter and the most expensive ever prescription food! yet another reason she and i are perfect for each other.

  • car trouble: rachel morgan had a wee little car smasheroo in 2008, which resulted in the permanent putting out to pasture of my treasured mbenz (bratty bitch car #1). whilst on the hunt for a new ride, i scooted around LA in a cute little blue bug convertible, the bumper of which was involved in a mysterious incident resulting in some super awesome scrapes that needed to be painted before the car was returned - that was fun! however, after weeks of test drives and wavering over which car to get, i found my lovely BLUE MOON, an adorable little bavarian motor works (aka bmw/bratty bitch car #2) x3, which i love. i happily drove blue moon around for a month before taking it in to service a funny noise in the engine and a malfunctioning key. naturally, while i was at the dealership, the valet backed blue moon into another car, resulting in some lovely scrapeypoos! yes, friends, that brings the total number of car oopsies to three in 2008! amazing.

  • conclusion: 2008, you didn't suck. you weren't great, but i've had worse years. however, now that's its over between us, i'm happy to say....

HELLO 2009!

  • resolutions: i have resolved to drink coffee in 2009. lots and lots of coffee. and not just any coffee. i have resolved to be a CLASSY coffee drinker, and brew my delightful little roast in a french press (served with a splash of soymilk, and frequently iced, natch). i've already had like 4 cups today. my hands aren't shaking yet, so i'll probably have some more in a bit. if i can type coherently, i'm under-caffeinated. i've also resolved that 2009 will be the year of the cute for rachel morgan. of course, i wasn't uncute in 2008 (maybe in 1998, but that's a whole other story), but i vow to be more adorable than ever in 2009. i'm going to pee glitter and smell of candy canes! i'm going to tap dance everywhere i go, setting hearts ablaze with my indefatigable charm. watch out world, here comes the cute.

  • blizzity-blogs: OK. i admit i am maybe just a scotch fickle with the sparkleize. i promise be better this year, blah blah blah, i will write daily, yadda yadda yadda, i'm going to be a blogging champ. however, i'm happy to introduce my latest blogging venture, designed to caputre the hearts and imaginations of everyone who has ever wondered, "what do lesbians do all day?" well, friends, muse no more. welcome to SPOTTED: the lesbian log, a blog which makes note of all of the lesbians i see in daily life. yep, i'm on a sapphic safari and i'm bringing you along for the ride, so grab your binoculars and lets spot some lesbos!!

there are only 359 days left in 2009, people. lets make 'em good. happy new year!!! xx