OMG! rmb + lilo + samro + KS = BFFS

i do a lot of really, really, really ridiculous things, all while knowing full well that they're ridiculous: i dance the jitterbug to the latest hip hop songs, i dress my cat up in costumes she hates, i throw sarah palin parties, i announce that i'm the most popular person i know, i drag people into terrible stores, knowing full well that i have no intention of buying a 4 dollar alarm clock or a pair of socks with bugs bunny on them.... and i buy tickets to a samantha ronson concert.

of course, that's not reeeaaallly that ridiculous on the rachel morgan scale of ridiculousness (a 1 on this scale being refusing to eat fresh tomatoes, but devouring them cooked, and a 10 being pretty much my entire BSB collection), because i've heard her spin before and have actually enjoyed samro's musical stylings, but, i mean.... it's samantha ronson. as in lindsay lohan's gf, samantha ronson. as in the randomly blogging about politics samantha ronson. as in suddenly-famous-for-turning-lilo-into-lezlo samantha ronson. mmkay, so i admit it was a bit ridiculous to go out of my way to purchase said tickets, but i've got to say... it was soooooooooooo ridiculously fun. here's the scoop:

my dearest KS and i showed up at the world-famous ROXY on the sunset strip, and were immediately greeted by a sea of paparazzi, eagerly positioned outside the club as if lindsay and samantha would be strolling in the front door any moment (it is approx 500 times likelier that lilo and samro were banging in some bathroom and doing lines of coke off of each other's asses than that they would be strolling down sunset on a friday night, holding hands and eating ice cream). AND ON THAT NOTE, dudes, paparazzi are kinda scary. i mean, growing up in LA, i've seen my fair share of paps, but i must admit i was totally taken aback by the sheer quantity of creepy older men with cameras standing outside the roxy, and apparently, following these two lovebirds everywhere they go. THAT SUCKS. look what happened to brit brit!! she went straight up crazy from all of the media attention! this is not ok! save lilo and samro! be nice to the lesbians, damnit!

anywaaaaay, once KS and i escaped the throngs of paps (who were clearly attempting to photograph us, thinking we were hollywood's new "it" girls. don't worry - i put them in their place and made it explicitly clear that i am a PRIVATE PERSON and that NO MATTER HOW FAMOUS i get, i will guard my privacy FIERCELY!), we went inside to explore the scene, and quickly realized that in addition to a few extra-creepy paps who had made it inside, the club was filled with either one of two types of people: high school students, and really, truly, awful, heinous 40 year-old lesbians. ummmmmmmmm wtf, dude? now i don't like to talk shit about my own (hahahahahaahahaha... that's a bold-faced lie. i talk shit about pretty much everyone. except you... definitely not you... you're my favorite!), but, ladies: COME ON! for realz. ew. for example:
  • couple Y (for yucky) is comprised of a blonde woman wearing a melon-orange checkered shirt that was probably on sale at the GAP for $9.99 in 1995, and some rather unflattering high waisted jeans. while the blonde chick was a walking, talking faux pas because she was over a decade behind any sort of fashion trend (i think the checkered shirt might have been a misguided attempt to cash in on this AMAZING plaid trend (seriously, AMAZING. i am obsessed with plaid!!!), but she was clearly failing miserably), her gf was guilty of an even greater sin: attempting to be "hip" by taking a marginally-popular look and butchering the shit out of it. like by wearing awful bedazzled jeans and an ed hardy wanna-be-style light denim jacket with "JESUS" emblazoned on the back in rhinestones. i don't think i need to explain what was wrong with that outfit.

anywaaaaay, back to samro and lilo. when sammy-sam finally came out to get the set started, all was good! she spun and spun and spun, and KS and i danced and danced and danced (and had a few beers along the way, natch).of course, the throngs of high school girls were pretty damn obnoxious, mainly because there is nothing worse than a teenage girl (don't hate: i used to be one, so i know. expect an upcoming blog expounding upon the horrid-ness of girls between the age of 12-18), but KS and i had a blast.

throughout her set, samro was constantly on her blackberry (as all good performers are, right?), and based on the adorable little "i'm so in love" and smitten-kitten-looking smiles that spread across her face approx every 30 seconds, i think it's a pretty safe assumption to guess that she was texting linds-linds. i'm normally pretty cynical about this whole "love" thing, but i've gotta admit it was pretty cute. AND THEN... guess who waltzes out on stage? LILO, OF COURSE! actually, it really could've been any anonymous blonde as far as i know, because she just came out... and stood there while the crowd went NUTS. at this point, i began to feel a little bad for samro, because linds TOTALLY stole the spotlight, but i imagine she's rather used to that by now.

anyway, samro came back out and continued to not address the crowd, have technical difficulties, spin some sweet jamz, and disappear backstage periodically to "do it" with her lady. it was AWESOME until i became a little whiney because my feet hurt (do not ask me why i thought high heels would be acceptable for this event) and i convinced KS that it was time to go. we walked into the sea of PAPS, still waiting outside, and poured ourselves into a cab while excitedly recapping the evening. IT WAS AWESOME!

moral of the story: ellen and portia may present a respectable, mature, loving lesbian relationship... but lilo and samro's publicity-driven, obsessive-love, drama-drama affair is waaaay more entertaining. even though they still have yet to publicly admit they're dating, i'm glad they've given up on trying to deny it (UM, HELLO... we have EYES), so i hope they sell tix to their wedding, because i am SO there. kisses!

1 comment:

Erin said...

i love your blog! hahaha and i love your scale of ridiculousness...it's true man your nuts..oh but of course funniest person i know. I feel like in a sense linds and sam's relationship is more realistic to adolescent lesbianism, I like to think at no matter what age your first lesbo relationship is a period of lesbian puberty follows, classic!