a few weeks ago, i was getting off the 405 S at the wilshire E exit (you know, the ramp that makes a big loop to dump you back out onto wilshire), and as i approached the end of the ramp, where there is a crosswalk, i noticed that there was a man walking E on wilshire, so i slowed to a stop. there were no cars in front of me; just me (in my shiny big SUV) and the guy (walking down wilshire). ok, it was more like me (in a nice mercedes) and the guy (who was homeless, filthy and batshit crazy).
as i stopped to let him cross, the homeless guy decided to let me know how he really felt about my existence. he turned to face my car, sneered at me like i was the scum of the earth, maintained his best crazy eye and flipped me off. with both hands, as he walked past.
i was momentarily torn; was this hilarious, or frightening? how did i really feel about being put in my place by a man for whom the street lamp is an excellent conversationalist and for whom the phrase "cleanliness is next to godliness" is a totally forign concept? of course, a large part of me pities the guy and knows that he probably used to be a relatively normal dude until drugs, alcohol or mental illness got to him. however, WTF, man? i didn't do anything wrong! why did he have to go and make me feel like some sort of bad person for having a car, a nice bed to sleep in and a toothbrush?
so i decided that what he really needed was to SPARKLEIZE his life. everyone needs a little sparkle in their lives sometimes - he was just in dire need at that exact moment! sadly, i didn't come to this realization until recently, so i haven't been able to offer him a cute headband to keep his long locks out of his face or a nice eye cream to help reduce those pesky crows' feet. i now keep a stash of sparkleizing products/items/accessories in my car at all times, ready to throw them at my newfound friend.
so if you see a pissed-off looking homeless dude giving you the stinkeye, just smile and give him some gum. sparkleize his life!