i'm an achiever....

guys, 2008 is flying by faster than a drunk sorority girl on her way to puke in the shower! it is officially may now, which means we've got 4 months of 2008 under our belts - that's 1/3 of a year! with each new year, we gain new experiences, reach new benchmarks, and try new things. some of you may have hiked machu pichu or made a ton of money thus far in 2008. here are 3 new things i have achieved in the past 1/3 of a year:

1. peed on santa monica blvd. i know, i know, this is probably not my proudest moment, but to me, it was a thrilling first! i mean, i've peed in front lawns, side yards, hedges, behind cars and in alleys, but i have never peed on a busy street in the middle of WEHO! there i was: 2:15 am, drunk, hungry, and having several martinis and a few beers pressing on my bladder, when i spied it - the bush that would become my savior/toilet! it practically called to me, "raaaaacccheeeelllll... come pissssssss on meeeeeeeee...." i couldn't refuse.

2. served my country proudly as a juror for 10 days on jury DOODY! it was my own worst nightmare: being surrounded by idiots for an extended period of time. dun dun duuuuunnn! seriously, constitution, i don't care if you call the bunch of slack-jawed yokels you put on my panel "peers," but just know that they are not my "peer" in any capacity outside of the fact that we are both humans. you wanna know why OJ's not behind bars? because he was judged by a panel of his "peers" (although is they were really OJ's peers, they'd all be murderers...), and it turns out that the term "peer" in this country is synonymous with "total fucking moron who is incapable of shutting up." god bless america.



phew! now that my parents are gone (they don't need to know these types of things), i can tell you one other first for me in 2008 - i consciously decided to remain single and celibate for a while! of course, now that it's been 4 months, i'm totally over this single and celibate thing, sooooooo.... any takers? ;) i'm not (too) picky, i am (usually pretty) nice, i'm (sometimes) totally sweet, and i am (always definitely) up for a good time. call me. yes, you. xoxo.

1 comment:

jackie said...

hi rachel -

i am happily your achievement peer.

last year, i gave up flirting for Lent. i was the first juror dismissed by the defense lawyer. (and let's forget what happened to me on hollywood blvd.)

good luck making the magic happen.

much love,